Meet My Cyberchondriac Girls!

Posted by Heidi on February 20, 2008 at 10:30pm

Previous Post | Next Post View Blog Posts

One of the little known long-term side effects of cancer is "cyberchondria." It's a tendency to self-diagnose with a multitude of illnesses, based on obsessive internet research following symptom onset. Of course, the doctors don't understand. But ONE DAY THEY'LL SEE. They'll see that I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG.

After all, you knew something was wrong the first time, right?

No one believed you, but then it was cancer. So, in a way, cyberchondria is a protective mechanism to keep us from getting hit by that truck again.

Here are my beloved fellow Cyberchondriacs (minus Courtney, who's taking the photo; Stacia, who's out of state; and Liz, who had to run to...a doctor's appointment? Either that or she was picketing the local branch of CPL because they keep billing her $2.37 on an insurance policy that's been out of date for six years). The photo is from my birthday lunch, as I proudly display my (very appropriate) gift: The Complete Manual of Things That Might Kill You:

Can I just say how much I love these girls!? We validate each other's fears and support every attempt to get that test/scan/labwork, because...well, it's just therapeutic to take things to the worst possible scenario and then realize that your flesh-eating bacteria was just an infected pimple. An exercise in perspective, you might say.

A sampling of one of our email conversations:

Liz: Okay ladies - here are some delightful hypochondriac bloggers, masquerading as anxious depressives, who might be our soulmates.
My favorite blog title? I think it's my spleen ... The Blog for Hypochondriacs. After all, if it tingles, it must be cancer.
Another clever one is Confessions of a Hypochondriac. This woman wants to organize the Hundred Hypochondriac March & Rally. Beautiful in its simplicity, no?

No matter how fetching these titles and entries are, I think our collective writings are far more sophisticated and entertaining. I look forward to your entries in the PC blog about the as-yet undiscovered illnesses stalking each of us, every single day.

yours in over-active imaginings - Liz

P.S. - I've been having headaches, which is quite unusual for me; imagine my delight in connecting my recent trip to England to the eyeball-exploding pain. I had one bite of a very rare steak. Of course, Creutzfeld-Jakob disease, a/k/a Mad Cow. Early symptoms? Insomnia, memory loss, depression, anxiety, withdrawal, fearfulness, and .... headache. I'm done.

Stacia: “Shut up brain or I’ll stab you with a Q-tip.” This is brilliant!!! Liz, sorry to hear about mad cow disease invading your body. Please be in touch before the hysteria takes over.

Jenny: From the "I think it's my spleen" blog:

“I've had some really good months since I left the house. I actually got bitten by two fire ants recently and, surprisingly, I didn't die. Of either the bites or panic. It wasn't the best few hours of my life, waiting for impending doom, but I got over it.”

From my real-life weekend:

I was bitten by fire ants Saturday afternoon at ACL [Austin City Limits music festival] and ended up leaving Zilker Park in an ambulance. Thankfully I didn't die from the anaphylactic shock, or the panic. A pure shot of adrenaline seems to help with both of those conditions. In case any of you hypochondriacs ever need it, I now carry some in my purse. Liz, maybe it can stave off the Mad Cow for a while, come on over and we'll give it a try.

Man, I can't make this stuff up!

Liz: Oh yeah, this is GOOD!!!! Maybe you were in the ambulance I saw leaving? So, you have an Epi-pen now? I got one after I had a systemic reaction to a penicillin-class antibiotic last year that was prescribed for the flesh-eating bacteria infection on my face - my reaction obviously wasn't as serious. I didn't feel like going to Brack, so I waited a few hours until my internist was available. You can imagine how happy he and the dermatologist were. L-I-A-B-I-L-I-T-Y.

Ahhhh, the power of shared imagination. Bring it on, folks---join the Cyberchondriacs! We're waiting to hear from you and, yes, to tell you that we believe you even if no one else does. :-)

Comment by Jen Singer on February 21, 2008 at 8:37am: Count me in on the club, Heidi. Yesterday, I had convinced myself I now have MS...until I found out it's actually Lhermitte's syndrome -- a feeling that an electrical current is shooting through your body when you bend your head forward.

While it's common in MS, it's also caused by radiation damage, and it goes away.

Now, about that shooting pain over my eye...

Comment by Heidi on February 21, 2008 at 8:57am: "Lhermitte's syndrome"...!?! You CLEARLY spent way too much time on the Internet, woman. Welcome to our world! ;-)

Comment by Princess Missy on February 21, 2008 at 9:13am: i love love love that book! i wanted to get it. its from urban outfitters. i told my mom to get it for me. i was like, this is soooo me. anything that can go wrong, will go wrong, right? hahahahah <3

Comment by Jen Singer on February 21, 2008 at 9:19am: The power of Google. Plug in "electric current" and "cancer" and Poof! There's your answer.

Comment by susan on February 21, 2008 at 10:25am: Your all mad! thanks 4 cheering me up.

Comment by Princess Missy on February 21, 2008 at 11:19pm: How many of you have had pain in your left arm and decided "thats it, im having a heart attack! its all over!"

Comment by Princess Missy on February 21, 2008 at 11:23pm: oh and by the way, any of you have your oncologists phone number? oh man what a mistake he made. Not only did he give me his personal cell phone number, but one day I got the physician assistant to call me on my cell and ever since I've had her number too. She actually got mad at me the other day for asking her for zofran over texts. OY. What's wrong with us?! hahahaha. Loves it.

Comment by ionosphre on February 24, 2008 at 5:39pm: I'd love to join a million hypochondriac march... but what if one of them has a cold? Or bird flu? Or ebola?!? Oh no, I have the rhinorhea. Oh what if I have a basilar skull fracture. Oh god, where's my haz mat suit.

Comment by Heidi on February 25, 2008 at 7:17am: you crack me up, ionosphre! Hey, where's a PHOTO?!

Comment by vpiazza on February 26, 2008 at 12:28pm: hahaha! just last night, laying in bed, unable to sleep due to pain in my hip, i thought about how much skeletal pain i have. i was too tired to get up and google, so i browsed through my brain, stopping at bone mets (of course), ms, fibromyalgia, debilitating arthritis and various bacterial infections, before i fell asleep. the anti-counting sheep.

Add a Comment

You need to be a member of PLANET CANCER to add comments!

Join this network

RSS

Sign Up

or Sign In

Save the Planet

Your help keeps this group of young adults spinning. Please help Planet Cancer by donating to the community.

Click here to donate

What happened to the old forum?

Because we are launching this cool new platform, the old forum/message boards (www.planetcancer.org/forum) will be archived on March 1, 2008. All members must re-register, but don't worry - we promise it's easy. Click here to set up your new profile. Have questions? Check out the FAQs or email contactus@planetcancer.org.