I have been thinking about this for awhile and I think it is time I shared with someone a story that I am ashamed of. I share it in hopes of preventing something similar happening to another teen. It doesn't have anything to do with cancer but I still think teens would benefit from hearing about it. I'd also like to take this opportunity to let people know that I'd previously written a blog about cervical cancer and how so few know that is a cancer that is caused by a virus that can be sexually… Continue
"I really hate to so publicly brawl,"
she said in Scarlett's now famous drawl;
"but I can't put this off for some other day -
this ogre began it, now he'll have to pay."
She put on her gloves and laced up her shoes,
climbed into the ring and spread the good news,
"I'm not to be fooled with, I will not go down."
She waded right in, no messing around
and before the aggressor could throw off his cape
she had him on ropes, he could not escape.
"Uncle, uncle," he shouted and cried for the ref
but D… Continue
Posted by Debbie on July 4, 2008 at 5:31pm —
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Well, I had a great time at Six Flags. Got to ride a bunch of rides, played a few games, spent way too much money on lunch, and got a good sunburn on my head. This has been the first time I've rode a roller coaster in a few years. The first one I had a little bit of anxiety, but that was quickly replaced with a big grin. I've always enjoyed riding coasters growing up, and this time was just as fun as it was then. Even though I went alone, I still had a good time. Not too crowded or too hot. I ha… Continue
Posted by Cereal Killer on July 4, 2008 at 3:13pm —
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I'm not completely neurotic about food but I was wondering if anyone out there would like to share some really yummy yet healthy for you recipes.
Ever since my cancer came back I feel like one of the only things I have complete control over is what I eat and don't eat.
I hear cancer loves sugar, I'm scared of it now so I really limit my intake. As for sweeteners, aspartame...too scared of that now too and won't eat or drink anything with that either. Fortunately I can refrain from deep fried foo… Continue
So I see my mother tomorrow. Fun times. I havent seen her in like a month. I dont really know what happened with us. We kind of became estranged in the last six months I guess. I guess my dad leaving her combined with the whole cancer thing combined with the whole transplant rejecton episode thing caused her to lose it. She thinks of ndad nothing else but keeping me alive. I live with my dad now. So tomorrow we will have lunch. Lets see what happens. I miss my mom. I wish we could have a relatio… Continue
So as anyone who has been reading my blogs can see I have beein going through a rought time with my cancer friend from real non pc life. So thanks everyone. Thanks for letting me know that I deserve to be treated better than this even by fellow survivors. Thanks for letting me know I am not crazy for feeling what I felt and for being hurt by what happpened. Thanks for giving me a place to go when I need to vent or scream or cancer talk. Thanks for letting me cut somebody very toxic out of my lif… Continue
People find love when they least expect it. That was certainly true with me. Five months out of liver cancer and a transplant I was NOT looking for emotional involvement. Death had been my constant sidekick for over a year; now it was gone and I was ready to become the reckless college student of the movies. I wasn’t looking to fall head over heels.
I believe we have moments we don’t consciously recognize that alter our lives forever. But when Frank introduced me to Jon, my world changed. Becaus… Continue
This is a facebook message from my inane cancer friend. I will let people comment for themselves but am I write in thinking um WHY THE FUCK DID I APOLOGIZE AND WHY THE FUCK AM I STILL FRIENDS WITH THIS KID
Me: Do you know any support groups around here for people our age with cancer?
Him: No but hit me up in the summer. P.S. So apparently I'm number 20something on the list of guys in your room that you have gotten with. I don't think I should be on there.
ME: Apologizing like an idiot
My tho… Continue
Posted by Lindsey on July 4, 2008 at 1:43am —
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So in the name of using this site as free therapy I figured I would post some more assholey things my cancer friend has done. I cant believe I let him get away with this stuff. I guess its because hes a survivor too you know. Whereas I would tell other people exactly where to stick it with him I just cant. Because he has leukemia. So asshole incident number 1.
I am supposed to grab lunch with this kid and of course I am expecting him to blow me off because he always does. Not that I really care… Continue
Posted by Lindsey on July 4, 2008 at 1:38am —
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So I im bored and insomnac so I figured I would catch up on my postings. Heres a great one.
So I went to visit my bff in nyc this weekend. Shes staying there for the summer and I figured I would go see her and have some fun. Well I want to be a peds onc nurse and i want to work at sloane-kettering. Now I am the type of person who checks out job websites just to see whos hiring despite the fact I wont be a nurse for three years. So I decided it would be a good idea to visit sloane kettering.
So… Continue
Posted by Lindsey on July 4, 2008 at 1:29am —
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I woke up last night just the normal stress shit and rolled over to get back to sleep and there is a tiny gap in between my window and the curtin.
And as i lay there i thought i should just shut my eyes and try to sleep. And so i closed my eyes and then my mind said " what if the second you closed your eyes someone put their face up to the window.?" and then "what if it wasn't a person but a zombie and when you opened your eyes they were already in the house?"
FUCK!!!!!! I didnt sleep for the… Continue
Warm summer nights. That’s what I always think of most on the 4th of July, along with the sweet smell of fireworks, and BBQ. Many of my favorite memories are on the 4th of July. I ache a little bit when it comes around. So many sweet, sweet memories of yesterday. I can never… Continue
We just found out that one of our sheep is pregnant, not just pregnant- but in labor. She and the ram must have figured out how to get together all on their own. The little slut. She was supposed to wait til fall to get knocked up. The upside is that I get to focus on an accidentally pregnant sheep instead of the stupid cold that I have. Sometimes my life seems so bizzare, especially when I update my blog here. Bears, fishing, pregnant sheep. I love my life. Oh, the bears were back a couple days… Continue
Ok so my eyes are soooooooooooo watery all of the time so I must have once again fallen into the text book side effects of chemo. The skinny on my side effects from chemo is it goes straight to my mouth - which sucks - and then my eyes just water and water - real strange. Sometimes my eye lids look like I have caked a heap of sea salt crystals up there - what a pretty girl I must be. So with no hair and watery eyes I think that if that's the worst I get out of chemo that's ok - o and the usual s… Continue
I'm done. I'm done with this weird cancer friendship. I cant do this anymore. I just cant. For those who dont know who I'm talking about see my post entitled what the fuck happend which I will repost. I cant do this anymore. I fell in love. Crazy amazing wonderful love with another cancer survivor. Then he broke my heart and fucked with my head. I can't do this. I cant keep reading his weird signs I cant keep having this weird cancer relationship.
Why did he have to say that. Why. He could have… Continue
So I bought a bikini today...its my first one...its slutty and skimpy and I am soooo excited about it. its bright blue and turquoise and I'm thrilled. I have never worn onne before. I never had the before my transplant. Now I do. Its not perfect...I'm a little lumpy but I don't care. I'm going to wear skimpy slutty bikini. I have a huge scar. I dont care. If people ask what happen I will raise awareness about organ donation. So hears to scars to weird looking breasts to weird marks to things sti… Continue
Well, I'm a little lonely. My girls are gone for a few days. The house seems empty without them. My parents sell fireworks every year on during the 4th of July season. I hate being stuck here and not be able to help. My Dad has sold fireworks every year since before I was born. It can be easy money if you know what you are doing. When I was growing up we had a store, I guess you'd call it a convenience store but it didn't look like one. It was a Log Cabin. I started working weekends and summers… Continue
They said it would get nasty but bloody hell they should show you pictures of what they mean nasty. Its like someone has sat a hot iron on me for hours. Pain, blisters on blisters, oozing crap yuk and then when you are drying up everything sticks to you. I was house bound for 5 days. Had planned a trip away and couldn't even do that. Could not put on my bra. Didn't want to go out anywhere. Call me vain but having one side flat is not very appealing. I am back at work for a bit today with the bra… Continue
So the last couple of PET scans I've had have shown some activity around my heart. They biopsied one of the spots on Monday, and they didn't find any cancer cells in their sample. So I thought, great! Turns out, they also didn't find any lymph node cells, which is what they were supposed to be biopsying. So who knows how reliable those results are. The doctors said they aren't sure.
So I am having IMRT radiation at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester starting July 15th and continuing for 3 weeks. They… Continue
Posted by Tia on July 3, 2008 at 6:06pm —
2 Comments
A CHANGE
(B. SCOIT D. AND DENNY T.)
EYES TURN AWAY FROM ME AS I STAND HERE-
A FEW MUMBLED WORDS FROM THOSE WHO WERE DEAR-
SOME STOP AND TELL ME HOW MUCH I HAVE CHANGED-
AND WONDER NOW WHY I AM ACTING SO STRANGE-
I HAVE BEEN FLAYED FROM THE INSIDE OUT-
THIS CANCER HAS ALTERED ME, OF THIS I HAVE NO DOUBT-
YOU MAY NOT SEE WHO I WAS BEFORE-
AND ALL I HAVE LOST YET I HAVE GAINED SO MUCH MORE-
IF YOU CANNOT FACE ME THEN YOU WERE NOT A FRIEND-
FOR A FRIEND STANDS CLOSE BY TO THE ABSOLUTE END-
PLEASE… Continue
I was seated in 10B, headed home on Northwest Air flight 2 from Narita to LAX.
Aisle seat, I had my headphones on, gazing peacefully out the window. My headphones on, tuned into the inflight entertainment system.
A lyric beats rhythmically...
Us Against the World...
Us Against the World...
Us Against the World...
(Click play in the vid window below now to hear it)
Thousands of miles from home, thousands of miles away from each of you. I am coming home from another international journey... l… Continue
I spent last Fourth of July watching the Macy's fireworks show from my hospital room in New York City. Well, I dragged my chemo pole across the room, sat on the ledge and pressed my face up against the window so I could see at least part of the fireworks.
Read the rest on my Good Housekeeping blog. Continue
Posted by Jen Singer on July 3, 2008 at 10:21am —
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I was looking through my blogs this morning and realized that I hadn't written one in a while so I thought, oh why the hell not? :-) Let me update!
So I guess I'll be honest.
I've been having a rough time with...something. Have any of you ever had that feeling where things are pretty great in your life -- you have a job, you have family, you have friends, you're in remission, you should be feeling happy but you're not? Or not as happy as you want to be? You maybe feel like something's missing?… Continue
Posted by JT on July 3, 2008 at 9:30am —
13 Comments
My pain level is increasing and it is really getting me down. It is very frustrating and depressing. I hate being in pain all the time and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep. The pain doc put me on Lyrica and I am having a hard time adjusting to the side effects. I am tired all the time to the point I am falling asleep on my way to work after a good night sleep. I am also experiencing hunger all the time. I think it is enhancing the side effects from some of my other meds. I hope my… Continue
Posted by Alli on July 3, 2008 at 8:27am —
1 Comment
6/30/2008 Today I went in for my CT scan before surgery on the 8th. Tomorrow I have to go in for pre-op testing. YIPPEE!! Not! I am trying to stay positive because I know that it will help me in the long run, but it is one heck of a struggle to stay positive when you know that someon… Continue
Well, we had to MD Anderson in a few minutets.
I will just be getting a biopsy so it is only a little hole being drilled in my head.
With any luck, this time tomorrow, I will post about the success and skill of Dr. Fred Lang. Continue
so i went to tennis today where i again...beasted. i was so proud of myself. and i get to start my private lessons within teh next few weeks. then jaripan and gabby came over and weve been hitting since i j ust cane in and its 9:00. i get my port out tomorrow! and i get to hang out with my friend that just got back from iraq tonight. so right now im like walking on clouds!
yesterday i got my homecoming dress its so pretty...
http://www.davidsbridal.com/bridesmaids_detail.jsp?stid=2817&prodgr… Continue
So I meet my radiation oncologist today and really like him. Found out I have to do seven week instead of six but oh well what is one more week. Everything went well except the beginning of my appointment when his PA comes in and does physical and asking questions and crap. She looks at my chart and says"oh breast cancer, me and my sister decided if we ever tested positive for braca or go bc we would have a masectomy and get c cups" what a fucking stupid thing to say to a woman who has just gone… Continue
So I meet my radiation oncologist today and really like him. Found out I have to do seven week instead of six but oh well what is one more week. Everything went well except the beginning of my appointment when his PA comes in and does physical and asking questions and crap. She looks at my chart and says"oh breast cancer, me and my sister decided if we ever tested positive for braca or go bc we would have a masectomy and get c cups" what a fucking stupid thing to say to a woman who has just gone… Continue
I am jet lagged beyond belief. About to head out to my favorite greasy chinese. I arrived late last night after a 10 hour flight from Tokyo Narita back to Los Angeles. Many pictures, stories, and videos to come. Thank you to all my dear friends at PC for sending me comments and well wishes while I was away.
While on the plane, thinking of so many of you, I got to thinking...
I've lost something.
I know I had it on me before cancer. Somehow, somewhere along the way. I think I lost a part of me… Continue
I have heard these words so many times that you would not believe it. Granted, I do not mind hearing them, but I do try ever so hard to stay this way. Sometimes, I just can't or if I appear to be that way, I am fooling myself. I do not do it on purpose, but deep down, I know I am not as positive as I appear.
How in the world could those spots have appeared on my liver (again) that fast. Plus, I have almost a month's recovery before I can restart chemotherapy, which I DO NOT want to do but will.… Continue
I will apologize before I even get started, because compared to so many of my beautiful friends here at PC, my issues seem laughable.
That being said, I am so weary of this feeling of near panic that I have been holding at bay for a week now that I feel like crying. And I don't want to cry. I'm weary of that too.
I was having such a great, well... life... a few weeks ago. But it just refuses to stay that way!
And I went and let myself get wrapped up in a silly crush that I knew was completely… Continue
I'm really frustrated.
I got my second shot of Neulasta early this morning and I'm already feeling like it's slapping me around like I'm its little bitch.
Actually, it feels more like this...
Warning: Mildly disturbing. Or rather, just disturbing enough.
Continue
So, as I was saying, I was living my life with the dread of turning 33 years old, for fear that I wouldn't make it past my mom's age. (After talking to others I found that this is quite a common occurence). The closer that birthday came, the more fear I felt. Then it came, my 33rd birthday, but alas nothing happened. No big bolt of lightning, no big bus fell on me, nothing. I felt as if I had played a game with fate and beat him down. Doesn't that sound silly? As the year went on I started feeli… Continue
Well, today was the second doctor visit and they finally removed all the rest of my staples. I still have two locations that I have to use mesalt on and wick away fluids (these two spaces have not closed up yet).
I must admit that having the staples out is a relief, but I need to get those two staple locations to close up. Man, it hurt when they removed the last half of them today. Plus the doctor forgot to tell the nurse to come in and remove the rest of the staples, so I laid there for about… Continue
Posted by Scoit on July 1, 2008 at 11:29am —
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Same hotel as last time.
The desk is not as nice, neither is the armoire, but othewise the room is pretty much the same.
Tomorrow is the battery of pre-op tests... woopie, looking forward to that like I'm looking forward to getting another hole in my head... oh, wait, I am looking forward to getting another hole in my head. Continue
So I had a port put in and started on a new chemo last Friday. I FEEL LIKE CRAP! They told me that there would be fewer side effects yet all I want to do is cry. Maybe it's the decadron, the evil mother $#@^&* of all steroids. I ache all over, had a fever, the headache, nausea, diarreah and the depression...that darkness
that just won't let go! With all this going on around me I can't help but wonder what is in store for the future. How many rounds of chemo? I was told 3 in total, that means… Continue
Well tomorrow I see my rad onc for the first time, I am starting to feel the dread and fear. I has been ten days since my surgery and I am healing well but still have alot of pain. My upper arm and underarm are still very store and numb to the touch I am afriad he cut thru nerves taking out the lymph nodes(they probually did whole would you not). The incision in arm pit is three inches and moon shaped so you can imagine what it feels like moving your arm and I am right handed. I can hardly wash… Continue
i've been thinking alot about whether i would have chosen to have children if i had known about my BRCA status earlier. i have 2 little boys, born well before i ever got cancer, and like most mothers, i love them with all that i have. and i never saw the cancer coming. unlike many people who carry BRCA, i never had the unfortunate experience of witnessing a female family member affected by breast or ovarian cancer. i never really had a family history of breast cancer. mainly because i don't have… Continue
Well, about 3 years ago, I started having heavier periods. I figured it was just because I had gained weight, and was getting older, probably peri-menapausal. So, I waited about 2 years before I went to the GYN. (I hate doctors!) Then, when I went to the doctor, he really thought he would be able to do some kind of procedure in office, but he examined me and told me I had to have a hysterectomy, because my uterus was 14-16 weeks due to fibroids. I had a D&C, and everything was fine. He sched… Continue
Hi everyone,
I am a mom of two that was diagnosed with Stage 3 Breast Cancer. Let me give you a little background about myself.
In 1979, my Mom was 32 years old. She was having headaches for quite some time but the doctors always said it was stress related migranes. That year my mom had a grand maul seizure. I was 10 years old with a younger brother and sister. We were home with my mom when it happened, and to this day, I remember how scary that was. Little did I know then that a year later, af… Continue
This past Friday my mom and I went to see a cleft palatte surgeon about possibly getting the hole where my palatte used to be fixed. He looked at the hole and decided that the surgery is possible! I'm so excited to do it.
He said that it would be a four week process made up of two surgeries, which means there is no way I could do it during the school year; especially when I heard what they were going to do
The first surgery would be 2.5 hours. The surgeons would basically fillet a tissue graff (… Continue
It’s easy to forget what it feels like - being alive in the world. Between two-plus months having and recovering from surgeries, and four months of chemo, I have spent endless hours at home alone, talking to my pets, staring at the walls, reading, sleeping, crying, listening to music. Needless to say, it’s been a bit isolating, even though I at least have been out with my dog, on most days, and have spent a lot of time getting to know my next door neighbor. But in spite of this connection and ot… Continue
A year ago today, I shaved my head. Well, my husband did the shaving while I tried to make jokes about it so my friends and family who watched wouldn't feel sorry for me. After they left, I cried in the bathroom.
Today, one year after I got bald, I had my photo taken by tourists… Continue
This past weekend was pretty non-eventful, besides the usual grocery shopping, laundry, library, and just plain ole’ hanging out with the family; spotty thundershowers kept us inside for most of the weekend, but we managed to get out a few times.
I overheard Ricky and Breanna in a conversation where Ricky was trying to convince Breanna that we had done something awhile back, and then I heard Breanna say, “No we did not, remember mommy was sick, and we didn’t get to go.” Can I please say, I neve… Continue
I have not made a blog entry lately because I have been busy.
I will go on full time disability next Monday so I am frantically trying to get everything done before my biopsy on Wednesday. This goes for work and school.
My brother and sister in-law flew out from Phoenix the other day so I am also trying to cram in visiting time with them. I have not kept up with my naps so I am exhausted by the early evening.
Last night, my brother and I took my son down to Lakeland to watch a Single-A game b… Continue
Yes I did! OK, so here I am to rock out my writing. But first, the most important thing is that I present garfieldminusgarfield.net and its existential, post-modern comics that slay me everyday. John minus Garfield. No lasagna, no hating Mondays. Continue
It's amazing now that I'm actually showing. I'm getting bigger every week and everyone's starting to notice...including me! I put on my favorite comfy clothes today, and my belly is hanging out even more. Even some of my maternity clothes I bought are starting to get a little tighter. I feel movement every day now and Bean's expecially feisty when we're discussing something heated...perhaps it's my endorphins :O)
My mood lately has been better than it has in a really long time. The funny thing… Continue
Well this week has started off really shitty.
Went to the blood takers first off to get the levels checked after the first week of treatment
Vein collapses - luckily she got enough
Go to onc - sorry you need to take two days off as your body isn't coping very well and your white cells have taken a dive. Part of me was doing the happy dance at that but now am stressed out about restarting as the onc said my body isnt going to like it at all - here come the shakes and headaches again.
I also a… Continue
As I write this to you all, I can't seem to feel like those days of chemo are almost, just almost finally out of my mind. I am sitting on the super high speed bullet train that takes you from Kyoto back to Tokyo. We've been here for four days now. We arrived on Tuesday afternoon and spent the first blissful day in Tokyo central. From there, we took t… Continue
As you all know, I don't have cancer my mom does, so I created a group call "Kids of Cancer Patients" I did that because I know there aren't any groups like that && It is hard to have a parent(s) with cancer. So if you would like to join check it out!
Well I just thougt I would tell every1
Thanks,
Alyssa Morgan Continue
Posted by Alyssa-Morgan on June 29, 2008 at 11:17pm —
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So I had my Onc appointment on Wednesday, and I am not getting the last two cycles of chemo. The 'toxicity' outweighs the benefits. The scans to my chest show no activity but nothing has been done on my arm yet, because I still have radiation to go. I couldn't let myself be relieved because the cancer is still in me. We know it's there. I haven't kicked it's ass yet. The $^%&*$ is just in hiding for a bit.
So I celebrated my birthday and now I am visiting my family for the long weekend. I h… Continue
i've had 9 weeks off from chemo, 7 weeks from feeling any of the effects. and then, i restarted on thursday and i think i forgot just how much this sucks. with the adriamycin out of the mix the nausea isn't as bad, but the neulasta truck has hit dead on. the small joints in my hands hurt. my back hurts, my legs hurt and wtf, my JAW hurts. i guess i can take solace that i did somewhat forget after just a few weeks. like everyone else, i will be happy to be off of the misery wagon. Continue
It's been a while between drinks...or blogs, I just haven't been in the mood to continue the story lately, but I'm home by myself for the first time in weeks so I'm taking advantage of the solitude!
The day after my diagnosis I stupidly decide to go to work at my job in a popular local restaurant/bar. I figure I might as well continue with normality as much as I can. Unfortunatley, I'll also have to start telling people what's going on. At first, I hide it with humour, and manage to work… Continue
Well today is my older sister's 14th b-day.
And well my mom doesn't feel good, we are trying to make her feel better, but she just feels sick today.
I made her breakfast, but she still feels bad, keep her in your prayers, lets hope she won't get another virus.
Thanks,
Alyssa Morgan Continue
I went on an oncology trip to the Poconos on June 23-25. It was amazing! I met so many people who went through the same crap storm that I have. The couple of days that I was there seemed like only hours! I wish I could have just frozen those moments in time. I really needed to be around cancer kids for once. It was great.
So anyways...the day after we got back from the trip, I had my very last chemo! At the time it didn't really matter to me because it was still chemo and I still had to go thro… Continue
Attention parents of teens and older teens(teens have your parents read first and get their approval to read)...
"IT" Has Met Its Match With Debbie - a poem from my Mother-in-law
Six Flags, and other stuff
FOOD
Mommy Dearest
This has nothing to do with cancer.....at all....its a bit of a nutty blog....
Warm summer nights. That’s what I always think of most on the 4th of July, along with the sweet sm…
slutty little sheep
I could create a beach lagoon with my watery eyes........
Radiation Afterburn Suks
Long time, no update
"A Change" by B. Scoit D. & Denny T.
Without cancer, I would never have met you
Fourth of July, Minus the Chemo Pole
JT is smiling today
UGH - Pain
The countdown begins(updated daily)
Time for a new hole in my head
uh-may-zing!!
P A at radiation totally pissed me off with dumb comments about bc
I'm tired
It's my party and I'll [bitch] if I want to
Thanks to all!
Mom's Legacy II
now that i know....
I consider having double the taste a superpower.
BEING A SURVIVOR: ALIVE IN THE WORLD, PART I
New Memories...
Ah! I Figured Out the Blog Function On Here!
Growing
As I write this to you all, I can't seem to feel like those days of chemo are almost, just almost finally out of my mind. I am sitting on the super high speed bullet train that takes you from Kyoto back to Tokyo. We've been here for four days now. We arrived on Tuesday afternoon and spent the first blissful day in Tokyo central. From there, we took t… Continue
Group
Update.
Part three - Me and the geriatrics
Poconos and last poison attack